PSR and point deductions at the end of the season: this is why we all fall in love with football | first division

YoThat's what we all want: for the current table to change all the time on the last day. The title and relegation go to the end. Move on to football on Saturday (on a Sunday, forgive the slightly outdated casting).

“We go to the court of sports arbitration, there has been a deduction of points, but for whom, Chris Kamara?” “I don't know, Jeff, right? “I must have missed that”… “Chris, haven’t you been watching?” “I haven't”… Kammy answers. “No, you are right, I saw Evangelos Marinakis clench his fists before the judge, but I thought he had won his appeal.”

It is a difficult decision for Sky: send Peter Drury to Anfield for the visit of Wolves or to first division Home of Manchester City's 115 positions? “Harper Lee said the only place a man should get a fair deal is in the courtroom,” begins this Drury Soliloquy, “but the question on this Super Sunday, the greatest of Super Sundays, is CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH?”

And so, to the teams: Erling Haaland leads City's line at home against West Ham while Lord Pannick leads their attack on the pitch. Cut to a split screen of the two men marching deliberately towards the camera, with their hair swept to one side and a full lawyer. He wigs for the other, before crossing his arms and smiling in unison. “So, Graeme Souness, who's going to panic later?” asks Dave Jones… “Just some breaking news: Sky Sports understands the start of the court case has been delayed by another 25 years. More as we get it.”

Gary Lineker posts a video from the green room of Match of the Day. Ian Wright, in big pants and a cool hat, is glued to Arsenal v Everton. The Gunners need to win, while Everton need to pick up a point and hope the final arguments go their way in the appeal against the second points deduction they took at the end of March* (*this is idle speculation; this article does not form part of any corrupt agenda).

For Sky Sports News: Alan Irwin, with his right index finger in his ear and his head arched to the right trying to hear what Julian Warren is asking, stands outside the Premier League headquarters, drowning in purple dildos. Back in the studio, Lee Hendrie is observing the proceedings and explaining PSR jurisprudence to Clinton Morrison.

At the end of it all, Nottingham Forest, Everton and Luton are relegated, while Nottingham Forest, Everton and Luton survive, pending appeals that will be heard during boring Euro group stage matches.

After all, this is the reason we all fell in love with the game. Thus, Forest finds itself in the relegation zone after four points are subtracted this week, while Everton should know in the next three weeks whether they will receive an additional deduction on top of the six points already docked.

Forest spent over £34.5m but were very gracious about it, hence four points. Everton spent over £19.5m but it was a bit of a pain, hence six points. Although Forest's overspending is higher, they didn't actually lose as much as Everton, but their limits were lower because they had just arrived from the EFL.

It's no surprise that fans are confused and generally furious about all of this. Where to point that fury is a different matter. As Barney Ronay pointed out this weekthe owners knew the rules, signed up to them and then, in the case of Forest, knowingly violated them and explained to the Premier League that they were violating them while breaking them.

Forest argued: “It would make it extremely difficult, if not impossible, for newly promoted clubs without parachute payments to compete, thereby undermining the integrity and competitiveness of the Premier League.” And yet Brighton and Brentford, among others, have achieved it.

However, there are some legitimate questions about profitability and sustainability rules. Surely it would be sensible to coincide with the transfer window. The entire Forest case is based on when “Player A” was sold to Spurs (I can't for the life of me know who he was, but I've narrowed it down to Teddy Sheringham or Andy Reid). If they had sold it two months earlier, there would be no deduction. It makes sense to try to get the most money for a player.

Would it be possible to make all point deductions in the closed season? If everyone signs up and knows that if they make a mistake this season they will end it in the summer, would that prevent legal action from clubs who are relegated or miss out on Europe because points were not deducted at the first opportunity?

The answer is probably no. The football family, like most other families, gets a little more complicated when it comes to money, and then at all levels self-interest comes into play, which is probably what the fans want . And clubs have a responsibility to their employees. People lose their jobs when a team is relegated to the championship.

There is a question as to whether the PSR or the FFP are a genuine means of sustaining the clubs' future or are simply there to preserve the status quo. Your opinion on this probably depends on who you support and how much money you have, but there needs to be something to stop clubs from gambling and risking their future. And if you think you need rules then you can't criticize the Premier League or the EFL for trying to impose them. It's probably more complicated than we think, and it's in lawyers' best interest to take their time to figure these things out.

Which brings us to the regulator. It feels vitally important, especially judging by the people who criticize it. And yet, we won't know how much power it has until it's running. And who will sit on it? Two former professionals and a former referee? Steve Dale? Sheikh Mansour? Nasser al-Khelaifi usually ends these things. We have to hope it has the power to regulate, because if you ask Reading, Torquay or Rochdale fans, it's about existing, not whether you have to click beyond the Premier League to see your league position.